Kentucky

Here I sit in the waiting room of the St. Joseph's Hospital in Lexington, KY. In the last couple days we've spent a lot of time here. Visiting hours for my brother are limited and with at least five of us ready to run back there at each interval it gets rather hectic. Emotions are raw! We're on edge. Seeing him in this condition would drive anyone to the extreme. His eyes are open sometimes but there's no one there. He moves his arms but they're tied down to prevent pulling out the various tubes attached to his body. Last night his legs were moving a lot. His daughter said he was squeezing her hand last night. We're all thinking that he's responding to things that he probably really isn't but it's wishful thinking on our part. I've seen his head move from side to side but I can practically stick my finger in his eye and he doesn't close them. Me doesn't squeeze my hand when I ask him to. He doesn't shake or nod his head in answer to a question. They are just random movements even though we want them to be more. God, we want them to be more. The tubes won't come out while we are here. His wife decided she isn't ready yet so of course it is her decision to make. I'm finding out more about the night it all happened. He grabbed his head and screamed in pain and when she pried his hands away 45 minutes later his lips were blue. Why did it take 45 minutes? I don't know and I'm not asking. The damage is done. We're headed home Sunday......I'll say my goodbyes silently and hope there is still a miracle to come. Spending time with my older brother hasn't even been comforting. The highlight of the trip has been my time with my niece and my nephews and seeing her meet her half brothers for the first time. I'm so hoping that they can have a relationship beyond the sins of the parents that have kept them apart for all these years.

Still waiting

My brother still lies in a coma. They reported that overnight he did open his eyes several times but that apparently is just a reflex action. That's more than before. He is apparently suffering from a lung infection (possibly MRSA??) that he probably got while in the hospital several weeks ago and the effects were masked by his daily use of Tylenol and aspirin. This cut his oxygen intake so drastically that by last Wednesday his personality was affected and then he went into the seizures and coma. Now they are treating the infection but what is left of my brother? I'm headed to Kentucky on Thursday to join up with my older brother and other family members. His oldest daughter who has been estranged from him has asked to ride with me. She will be meeting her two younger half brothers for the first time under the worst of circumstances.

I finished another used bookstore treasure. This one is "The Dive from Clausen's Pier" by Ann Packer. I really enjoyed it but to tell much about it would ruin it for the reader. I guess all I can say is that 23 year old Carrie Bell is left with major decisions after an accident that changed her life and relationship with her long time boyfriend, Mike. She's searching for a career, and more than that...her self.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

It's my daughter's 38th birthday today. She's out of town with her mother-in-law and others. It's an annual thing that takes her away from me on this special day which, selfishly, I had a part in. A call placed at midnight with her Dad and I singing the silly birthday song on her voicemail is all that I got as part of her day. Hopefully they remembered that it's her birthday and are giving her a special day.

My sadness also stems from the news that my "baby" brother is extremely ill and the prognosis is not looking good. A couple of nights ago he was complaining of pain in his feet and took some medication. Shortly thereafter he became belligerent with someone on the phone and then with his wife. Later started throwing things. Not having lived around him for many years, I'm told that this is not normal behavior for him. When I knew him as a younger person, I would say that it was. Anyway, he later complained of a severe pain in his head and his wife called the ambulance which took it's sweet time arriving. By then he was apparently in a coma and suffering seizures. He lives in Kentucky so he's lying in a hospital bed far away, still unconscious, and still seizing. The doctors are trying to rule out meds as the cause which will take some time yet. When getting the information second hand through family members (some of which are his young, emotionally drained sons) then it's uncertain as to what is real. Will he wake.........will he be functional if he does. His breathing was shallow so he's on a ventilator but was that breathing sufficient while the ambulance was taking the scenic route to get to him in an untimely fashion? Will that combined with at the seizures cause him brain damage. How do I find these things out while living here in Pennsylvania. When is the appropriate time for a sibling to show up and muscle in? I know my older brother would be by my side and in someone's face in a heart beat if it were me. I, in turn, would be there for him. He's alone! I'm not, but we have a bond that is closer than the one shared with this younger brother. Unfortunate, but it happens. Your standing in your family is earned and things have happened that caused this standing to be somewhat strained. I'm saddened and distressed at this time. I guess I knew this could happen when just a few short weeks ago he called from the hospital and said he was there because of fluid around his lungs. I mentioned to my hubby then that I was concerned that his health was so poor that his chances of a long life were greatly diminished. I pray for his recovery.

A wonderful book

I just finished another one of the books I found when browsing in the used book store with my son. I loved this book! "The Miracle Life of Edgar Mint" by Brady Udall. Young Edgar's head was run over by a mailman when he was seven years old and he miraculously survived. He died on the way to the hospital but the doctor brought him back and after many months in a coma, young Edgar wakes and is pretty much normal. Okay, so he can't write but that problem is solved by one of his caring roomates. Many people want to take care of Edgar except his drunken Mother and his elderly grandmother. Edgar's Mother is an Apache Indian and his Father was a drifter from the East that was playing cowboy when he fell for the pretty Indian girl. He didn't stick around to be a Father. After some very tear jerking experiences in an Indian school he is brought to Utah to live with a Mormon family. He is continually tracked by his former doctor/life saver who is now living life as a drug dealer and user. He can't stop his obsession with Edgar! You want to laugh and cry through this one.

I'm on a 9 day late shift with no break. This is 4 weeks of late shifts but this time it's 9 days in a row on my feet. Even my assistant manager asked me who I ticked off. I've discovered that with rewards on the job comes misery. Next time they want to give me an "Employee of the Month" award, I'm throwing up my hands and running out the door. And as far as helping the Schedule Coordinator when she wants another day off............

A rare find in an used book shop

I bought a few books when shopping with my son on Mother's Day. We wondered in a used book store and came out with some goodies. "A Bell for Adano" by John Hersey was such a find. It was about an American Major who was put in charge of a small town in Sicily to stabilize it at the end of WWII. He proves to be just what the town needs to get back on track. The only thing missing is it's famous bell. Taken to be melted down to make rifles just weeks before he gets there, he takes on the mission to get the town another bell.

Benchmark

My son turned 40 today. Well, officially not till 11:20 tonight. WOW! I'm blown away by this benchmark. I handle getting older fairly well but when your child hits an age like this it is a rude awakening. I can barely believe that I'm not still 40 and now I have a son that age. When I woke this morning I instantly thought of it and wanted to just roll over and cover my head and go back to sleep. Let's go back.........it's Mother's Day 1969 and I'm waiting for the birth of my first child. Back then we couldn't find out what sex you were having. All I had was my grandmother who swore up and down that I was carrying a girl since that was the shape the baby and my body had formed. Hands down! Of course, two years later she swore I was carrying a boy and I had a girl. Not a good track record for grandma. I didn't get to celebrate Mother's Day of 1969. It wasn't in the cards. In the very early hours of Tuesday morning (two days later) the twinges started and since I was quite a distance from the hospital that I was going to have him in we didn't waste time and rushed there. 22 and half hours later my bundle of joy was born! What a beautiful child. A full head of blond hair and so tiny! How could this precious child be mine! Thank you, Son, for bring such joy to my life!

New Author; good read

I've never read Lisa Scottoline before but I enjoyed her novel "Look Again." Main character Ellen Gleeson checks her mail and sees a postcard with "have you seen this child." The picture is eerily like her adopted son. Instead of throwing it in the trash she is drawn to investigating since she's a reporter. She never expected what happened to her. Yes, she thought she would lose her son if he were really the child on the postcard but she never expected the danger.

Mother's Day was wonderful! The only downside was not seeing my daughter on the day but I got to spend hours with my son, one on one. We went to the farmer's market in Baltimore, had lunch in a French Bistro, snooped around some antique shops and then some old book shops (yippee). We went back to his place and planted the flowers and in the huge pot I got him for his 40th birthday coming up this week. Yes, flowers for my son. He lives in a house with sidewalk and patio pavers and no ground to plant in. He and his wife like to cheer up the neighborhood with flowers. Anyway, we planted the "planter" and then had an afternoon of conversation. It was lovely! Today I had lunch with my daughter and even though it wasn't for as long a period of time it was very nice to have her to myself! Thanks to both my children for making my Mother's Day special!!